Thursday, October 13, 2005

Wow! With so much going on with the Bush Administration, I almost want to go back on my word and no talk about God, but I shall, keep my word!

So I was talking about my relationship with God and how I didn't really think that I ever had one. I grew up Catholic. My parents made me go to Sunday School. I HAD to go to my 1st confession, which I hated. My brother, Matt, was my confirmation sponsor. I was an alter boy. I was made to do all those things that a person who is going through "the ritual" was supposed to do. I even remember my priest telling my parents that out of all of my brothers and sisters, that I would be the one most likely to be a priest. I am so glad that didn't come to pass.

I've always looked for a higher purpose in life. The life that I was living couldn't be it. There had to be a purpose, a reason. Don't get me wrong, my life was fine, and I would say "normal." In fact, I was lucky. I got to be the one out of my siblings to go to Europe. I was the one to get the 1st car. But, that still didn't do it for me. The wheels in my brain were always looking for something.

I think the most beneficial thing for me was when my parents got divorced. Yeah, that fucking sucked, but it set a stage of events that have sent me on a path of personal "growing up." Why in the hell would God allow this to happen to our family? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know we're all supposed to have free will, but that still doesn't answer the question. This happens ALL the time. Where is God? In fact, those so-called "miracles" don't even happen all that much. I am to believe that God is up there with a little wand and decides to tap some random sole and "cures" him and then proceeds to allow thousands to die in an earthquake or a damn hurricane? Does God really care about us or is he really impotent? And if God is impotent, or doesn't care, and he can't, or chooses not to, intervene in our events, then he can't posibily exist or is a major asshole. He wouldn't have been able to, or chose, not to "put" a soul into our body when we were conceived.

Now, I'm not saying that God doesn't exist, even though it seems I'm saying that in the last sentence I wrote. I think, though, I can safely say that he hasn't ever exerted himself in my life. Now, I don't feel empty. I have a ton in my life. I'm lucky. And, maybe that's what it's all about: luck and playing the cards is luck.


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